Are You Defending Yourself Against That Which Would Do You Good?

C.S. Lewis once wrote, “Oh, Adam’s sons, how cleverly you defend yourselves against all that might do you good!”

It’s a thought-provoking statement. How often do we push away the very things that could help us grow, heal, or transform our lives? We say we want change, yet we resist it. We desire love but shy away from vulnerability. We long for success but fear failure.

We defend ourselves against change because it is uncomfortable. Growth requires stretching, and stretching can feel painful. But what if the discomfort we resist is actually the doorway to something greater?

In July 2005, after giving birth to my fourth child, I decided I was going to get in great shape. I started small, walking about a mile a day, but within a month, I was up to three miles. Three months in, I was pregnant again, but I loved how I felt and kept it up. Days before Christmas, I lost that baby. Though sad, I knew what I wanted and kept going. I then added working out on my Total Gym three days a week. I started at 190lbs right after giving birth and was excited that I had gotten to 170lbs. I kept it up, adding miles and minutes to my weekly workout. By August 2007, I had weighed 137 pounds, wore a size 6 (USA) pants, and felt like I was on top of the world physically.

So, what happened?

One day in August, I was on my six-mile walk, and I could literally feel my body start to shut down. By mile three, I could barely stand. I walked six miles every day, except on Sundays, in about an hour and a half, and suddenly, I couldn’t go any further. I didn’t have a cell phone back then, so over the course of the next hour and a half, I practically crawled home the remaining 3 miles. By the end of the week, I couldn’t walk down my hallway.

That was the start of six years, mostly bedridden with a slew of auto-immune disorders and a shredded colon. At one point, I was even told that if I didn’t have my colon removed and was fitted with a colostomy bag, I would be dead within 6 months.

After much thought, research, and prayer, I decided to forgo the surgery and try my hand, again, at eating well and exercising. Exercising was hit and miss, as I couldn’t walk most days, and those I could, I wore myself out so fast it hardly counted. But regardless, I was determined to move when I could.

In 2012, I was introduced to doTERRA essential oils and supplements. Taking these products, along with many other healthy choices, brought me out of the tailspin my life had become. But almost as soon as I was getting healthy again, I got pregnant again. I miscarried that baby and another.

After this, I developed a mindset that if I exercised and started to get healthy, I would either get pregnant or get sick, so it was very difficult for me to motivate myself to do much of anything for more than a couple of weeks at a time.

I had built a barrier around myself that said it was too complicated and wouldn’t last. It didn’t matter how often I looked at myself and said, “Okay, I’m tired of looking and feeling this way. Tomorrow, I’m going to eat better and exercise.” Tomorrow didn’t come often, and when it did, the determination didn’t last.

I was defending myself against something I knew would help me because it was uncomfortable and painful.

The Barriers We Build

Think about your own life. 

• Do you avoid deep relationships because you fear getting hurt?
• Do you resist new opportunities because you don’t feel good enough?
• Do you push away faith because it feels too uncertain?
• Do you struggle to forgive because it means letting go of control?

These defenses feel like protection, but they are often walls keeping us from the healing, love, and purpose we seek.

5 Steps to Let Good Change Into Your Life

At Christmas 2024, I weighed 186 lbs. Again, I wanted something more—something better for myself and my health. I eat pretty well and often walk. Last summer, I had gotten up to walking four to five days a week, seven miles. Still, the weight stayed on. One day in November, I hurt my back and was down for a week, and that was the end of my walking.

I realized that the reason for wanting to be healthy and fit had to be stronger than my desire to “look good.” I understood that my problem was mental and emotional, not physical. So, I set out on a new journey for 2025. To heal the programming that was cleverly defending me from something that would do me good.

Since Christmas, I have lost 10 lbs and am exercising so that I can be active when I am seventy, eighty, or ninety. So that I will be able to go and do all the things that the Lord expects me to do and all the things that I want to do. I do it so that I can “run and not be weary and walk and not faint.” (Isaiah 40:31, Doctrine and Covenants 89:20)

If you’re ready to open the door to growth, healing, and purpose, here are five simple steps I have found that really work:

1. Recognize Where You’re Resisting

Ask yourself: What am I afraid of? 

Resistance is often rooted in fear of failure, rejection, or losing control. Identifying what you’re resisting helps you see the opportunities you’re pushing away.

For me, it was fear of getting sick again. (Since I’ve divorced and have gone through menopause, fear of pregnancy is off the table.)

2. Make Room for Stillness

We fill our lives with distractions—constant noise, social media, busyness. But real change often happens in stillness. Take time each day to pause, reflect, and listen to what your heart is telling you.

I spend at least twenty minutes a day meditating. That is on top of the time I spend each day in the scriptures and in prayer.

3. Practice Saying ‘Yes’

Instead of instinctively saying no to new experiences, try saying yes—even when it’s uncomfortable. Whether it’s accepting help, trying something unfamiliar, or stepping into faith, small yeses lead to big transformations.

I started opening myself up to new, short exercises, which have done wonders. There are thousands out there that help with different areas I target. Changing them up makes it fun and works different muscles.

4. Let Go of Perfection

Many people resist change because they think they have to do it perfectly. Growth is messy. Life is messy. Allow yourself to try, fail, and try again.

Even though it’s taken years to get here, I continued to try. This time, I realized that just trying wasn’t enough. Being kind to myself for all the failures and deciding just to DO was an important aspect to remember as well. Even though it is a small and simple step and will take time to get to my destination, doing is far better than trying.

5. Trust the Process

Even if you don’t fully understand the journey, trust that good things are unfolding. Just because change is hard doesn’t mean it’s wrong. Lean into the discomfort, knowing that transformation often starts in the most unexpected places.

A few days ago, my back was killing me, and I realized I had the perfect excuse not to work out. What did I do? I put on a back brace and exercised anyway. Within thirty minutes, though still in pain, I was moving much better and accomplished all the work that I wanted to get done that day.

The Invitation to More

So, what are you defending yourself against that might actually do you good? Maybe it’s love. Maybe it’s faith. Maybe it’s taking control of your health. Maybe it’s a scary opportunity that holds the key to your next breakthrough.

What would happen if, just for today, you stopped resisting and allowed something new into your life?

You might discover that what you feared was never meant to harm you—but to set you free.

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